Easy as Breathing
by ashleyalaina
Summary: Bella returns to Forks almost four years after supposedly marrying Edward. She begins to face obstacles that she blames herself for, only to find out that she has created more damage than she thought. What happens when she finally decides who her heart belongs to? *Rated M for future chapters*
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing:** Jacob/Bella

**Genre:** Angst/Romance

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Bella returns to Forks almost four years after marrying Edward. She begins to face obstacles that she blames herself for. Jacob has been going through hell. What happens when she finally decides who her heart belongs to?

Easy As Breathing - A Twilight Fanfiction

**Home Sweet Home**

This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have done this, Bella thought as she drove past the Forks border line, a small tear escaping her eye. She drove by the old diner her and Charlie would always go to, passed her old high school; where too many memories floated, passed a special old diner where she had her first date... Oh, so many memories there, so many that crossed her mind and seemed to not leave.

Bella's hand clutched the steering wheel, she ran her fingers through her hair, biting her lip from being nervous. After her twelve hour work shift, she had not slept due to her anxiousness and regretful thoughts. Her eyes were a light shade of red, but she didn't care, she needed to get home.

Being that she had been living in an apartment in downtown Port Angeles for a few months now, moving from Georgia, she had felt terrible that she had not gone back to Forks. It took a lot of gut for her even to get into her car this morning, let alone for the past six months. She drove closet to the neighborhood she spent her teenage years and made a left on a familiar street.

Then, there she was, her old home. After two years, it looked exactly the same. She parked across the street, viewing Charlie's cruiser in the driveway surrounded by snow, sighing. She contemplated on actually getting out of the car for a minute. Shaking her head, she grabbed her purse, yanked the keys out of the ignition and got out, walking slowly towards the front door of the place she used to call home.

She stood at the front door for a minute, looking down at her feet nervously. What if I'm not welcomed? Charlie will never forgive me for this. This was a mistake; a bad idea... What about Jacob?-

Her thoughts were interrupted as the front door swung open. She jumped back in surprise as she met the dark, tired eyes of Charlie Swan. For a second, there was a shocked yet confused expression on his face, then it all went downhill as he looked closer at her.

"Bella?" He gasped. "Bella, is... is that you?"

"Hi, Dad." She said softly smiling, another tear escaping from her. Before she knew it, Charlie swooped her up into a hug, tightly. She could hear his sobbing and him chanting 'My baby girl' and 'You're alive. She hugged back, letting go of the tears that she has been holding in since she made the decision to come back. He lead her into the house, letting her go.

"Jesus, Bella..what.. how? Where in the hell have you been?" Charlie said, angrily. "Do you know what you've put me through? The hell I've been in for almost four years!"

"Dad, please.." Bella sighed, "I do owe you an explanation, I know. But please, I have so much to get off my chest first."

"What the hell are you saying Bella? You don't just show up here after four years years of me losing my god damn mind over your disappearance! I literally lost myself over you. Renae lost herself over you, even Phil! Don't you dare ever pull something like that on me again. EVER." He was yelling now, which Bella was not used to.

She shuddered and looked down. I'm such an idiot. "Dad... Charlie.." she said quietly. "I am so stupid for what I did. But please, let me explain myself after I take a trip to La Push."

Bella sat down on the couch, Charlie sat across from her on his recliner.

"You're not going anywhere, Bella. I have every right to know everything that happened before you go running off to... La Push? What the hell are you going to La Push for?"

"Dad..." she looked at him with a smug on her face.

Of all people, Charlie should know one of the main reasons why she came back in the first place. "Jacob's not in La Push anymore, Bella."

A quick pain in her chest attacked her as she blinked, surprisingly. Why would he not be here? What if he's never coming back? Her eyes formed up in tears. She shook her head, "But he's always..."

"Not anymore. Everything changed when you left, Bells, and it hit Jacob the hardest. The poor kid had lost everything already; his mother, Billy is still struggling, and Rebecca had passed away after you had left." She gasped, her hand flew to her mouth. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"What? Rebecca?... How?"

Her heart was infinite; it seemed like it has stopped beating, like she was hyperventilating.

"They said she was attacked by some bear while she was hiking." Charlie said, his voice got lower.

Attacked by a bear.

_Vampire._

"Billy took it so hard. Jacob took it worse, especially since he was dealing with your loss; the kid got into a huge fight with Sam and then ran away. He only visits maybe once every other month for a day or two. Then next thing you know, he's gone."

"Oh my God." She couldn't breathe. Her Jacob; gone and who knows when he'll come back. And it was her fault, all her fault.

"That's why I don't want you in La Push, Bella. At least for now. Billy is still mourning Rebecca's death and Jacob's friends... did I mention how huge they have become? It's insane. Anyway, they all seem to scorn me when I visit Billy." He sighed. "I'm worried."

"Dad they won't hurt me." Bella laughed, "Jake wouldn't allow that even if they tried."

Charlie glanced up, "That's the thing you don't understand, Bella, Jacob is not here."

Her smile faded. He was right. The boys of the pack probably still think she became a vampire, and if she showed up, who knows what Sam would order them to do. The question is, where could Jacob be?

"Bella where are you staying?" Charlie said, interrupting her thoughts.

"In an apartment in Port Angeles." She said, biting her lip. Truth is she wanted to see Charlie, Jacob and then head back for some rest, looks like two out of those three things are definitely not happening now.

Charlie nodded, "I really hope you're going to be smart about all of this." He looked at her hand, not seeing her wedding ring. "Where is your ring?" Bella looked down, gasping.

"Dad, I'm not married anymore." A brighter expression raked across his face.

"Well, what happened?''

"It's a long story..." She sighed, looking everywhere but at him. Charlie nodded and didn't try to argue, he stood up, grabbed his keys and took off a replicate of one of his house keys.

"Here." He tossed one at Bella. "I have a night shift to work tonight, feel free to stay here for a while if you want to. Can't order you around anymore, I suppose." He said, grabbing his guns heading towards the door. Truth is, Charlie was angry at Bella, he just didn't want to show it. He opened the door before Bella stopped him.

"Dad-" she started, "I'm sorry. For everything."

"Just please, for Christ sake, never do that to me again, Bella." He looked at her, a pained expression on his face. His voice was shattered, tears were falling from his tired eyes. "Ever." Then he walked out. Bella sat there, key in her hand, and she cried. She couldn't believe how stupid she was to do this to her father. Here she was, 21 years old, and felt like a child who fell and broke her leg; at life. She then added the key to her set of keys, got up and walked out, locking the front door. She climbed into her black BMW and hesitated before starting the car, jumping on the nearest highway to La Push.

_Here goes nothing._

**A/N:** So how is it? Leave reviews if you like.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thank you all for the lovely reviews! Please share/review this story if you like. I plan on posting a new chapter every week, to keep the consistancy.

**Reminder: **Rated M for future chapters.

**Familiar Areas**

An hour later, Bella was on the main street in La Push, passing familiar trees, houses and resturants that she remembered seeing four years ago, she then thought about how much she missed being here, with her Jacob, that she knows no longer exist. Another tear fell before she pulled up towards the small red house that holds so many memories. She pulled up behind a black Chevy pick-up truck, wondering who it could belong to, before yanking the keys out of the ignition and getting out.

She stood there, looking around and then glanced at the garage for a minute, biting her lip. Her thoughts were interrupted as a deep voice called her out.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here, Bella Swan?"

She turned around slowly, meeting dark, angry eyes that raked up and down her body. She had almost gasped at what she saw.

"Paul?"

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" He spat, his body shaking lightly. He sniffed at her, looking down at her hand then back at her face. He was huge, way bigger than the last time she saw him. He was about 6'4 now, facial hair growing on his face, his hair was messy and he looked as if he just came back from patrolling. She could not believe at how much he changed; she knew how fast the boys could grow, but she didn't think _that much._

"I came to see..." she thought about it for a second, she did not owe an explination to a him at all, "Why are _you_ here, Paul?" She spat back, already annoyed with his arrogance and disrespectfulness.

"You're fucking joking right?" He snorted. "You of all people?" He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not going to ask you again, Swan."

"I don't owe you an explination on why I'm here, Uley."

His hand waved towards hers. "What your vampire husband left you for someone with more common sense and you want Jacob to kiss your feet like nothing happened?" He laughed and crossed his arms. "Thank God he got over your bullshit; how we all did. I don't see why he was so in love with you in the first place; fragile, useless, pathetic."

Bella flinched. She knew Paul was agressive and blunt, but that was too far for her liking.

"Paul, leave her alone." Seth appeared from the garage, along with Quil, Embry and Jared. Bella gasped. Charlie was right, they have grown so much, especially Seth. He looked like a completely different person; it scared her almost. He was as tall as Paul, being that he was the shortest the last time she had saw him, his voice was deeper, more demanding. Everything was overwhelming her all at once.

"Seth?" She questioned, a shocked tone coming out of her, completely ignoring Paul now. She looked over at Embry who had a small smile on his face. He actually looked the same, just a tad taller. "Embry?"

He laughed, "Hey, Bella." Then he scooped her up into a huge hug, spinning her around. "It's good to see you." She could tell he was the same ol' Embry, goofy and a warm-hearted. She had missed it, almost.

"Arghhh, Embry, can't-breathe." She choked until he let her go, laughing. She giggled and then sighed. "I'm sorry about all of this..." she began.

"That's not what matters. You're actually alive." He said. She noded then looked at Seth and Quil, giving them a soft smile. They just stood there, blankily looking at her. Quil seemed uncomfortable and Seth, the always happy Seth, looked like he was about to explode in anger. Crazy on how the tables had turned, but somehow she was expecting it to happen. So Bella just sighed and looked back at Embry.

"I know I'm not wanted here. But I need to speak to Billy, if he's here." She said looking at the small red house.

Seth looked towards the small house. "Sure, go ahead, Bella."

"What the fuck Seth! No!" Paul yelled, stepping in front of her, "She doesn't belong here, she isn't _wanted_ here. You know that." He looked at Bella, grabbing her arm. "You take one step in that house and I'll rip you apart myself, bitch."

Bella strained. "Paul, let me go!" She could feel the strains of mucles in her arm, the pain was excrutiating. She had never felt anything like it.

Suddenly, Quil grabbed her other arm. "Paul, let her go man. Let her go." Paul complied, releasing her arm, shaking himself off. He then took off, running into the woods, phasing mid air, followed by Quil, Jared and Seth.

Embry sighed. "I'm sorry Bella. He's just... angry all the time."

She looked down. "I have to go." She said before backing away. "I shouldn't have came." Shaking her head she walked towards her car, passing the black pick-up truck glancing at the side of the truck that said 'J&E Motors'. She stopped mid-step turning back to Embry before realizing they had all already left. She stood there and stared at the logo on the truck for a few seconds before turning around and marching up to the small red house, bravely knocking on the front door.

She knocked again, no one answered. Sighing, she turned away and trotted towards her car before hearing the front door. Turning around, she met the tired eyes of Billy Black.

"Billy, thank God." She gasped walked towards him.

"Come in, Bella." He said sternly, looking around before moving out of the way so she could walk in. She stepped into the house that held her heart; and closed the door behind her.

"Take a seat, Bella." Billy waved towards the couch as he wheeled himself to face her. She then sat and placed her hands in her lap, looking towards Jacob's old room. The door was wide open and the room was almost empty - only containing a bed and a side dresser. She sighed and played with her hands.

"What are doing you here, Bella?" Billy said sternly.

"I came to talk to you... to start over with everything." Bella said, bluntly. "I made a mistake and I'm trying to fix it."

"A lot of things have changed since you left. You know that right?" He looked at her, a pained expression on his face.

"Yes, Billy, I know." Bella sighed, biting her lip.

"And you know the people around here has changed."

"So I've noticed." She said blankly. She looked up to find a picture of Rebecca on the wall, framed into a what it looks like, hand carved frame. She sighed, trying not to shed another tear and then back to the floor. "I'm sorry about Rebecca, Billy..."

He noded, not saying a word.

"And I'm so sorry... this is all my fault." Her voice cracked as she let it all go, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed. Her and covered her mouth as she realized how stupid she was and how much she wanted Jacob to come home and explain everything to him, he had the right to know.

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. "It's not all of your fault, Bella." Billy cooed. "I promise you, it's not."

She shook her head, unable to speak; she was too hurt, regretting everything she had done in the past. She looked up into Billy's eyes. "Who's Chevy truck is parked outside?" She said.

Billy looked at her blankly, not answering. She then continued. "Why were all of the guys here today in the garage?" Still no answer. He looked a if he knew what was going on and refused to tell her. So she bolted up.

"I have to go."

"Bella, wait-" Billy warned. She ignored him.

She hurried up and grabbed her purse, rushing out of the front door. Bella blinked as she passed the pick-up truck once again, this time rushing to her car, climbing in and speeding towards First Beach.

* * *

Bella walked along the shoreline of First Beach, the sun was about to set, her bare feet barely touching the wet sand as the waves crash gently against the shore, her long hair blowing in the wind. As she walked she thought about how much has actually changed; and it's only been the first day: Charlie was angry, Billy was heartbroken, the boys of the pack all hated her, except Embry for some reason. And if they all were like that, she could only imagine what Jacob was like now. It made her heart almost stopped beating.

And what if Jacob doesn't come back, so Charlie says? What is he really did move on and found someone else? How could she let someone she loved walk away without a warning? She felt like an idiot.

Bella then wiped a tear from her eye, before looking up to to find a tan figure on the other side of the beach, standing, shirtless, and throwing rocks into the ocean. She walked a little further and realized that person was standing next to a familiar log. But who was he?

She walked even closer. He looked familiar but she couldn't get an actual picture on who. The man looked angry as he threw the rocks into the ocean. His muscular back flexed as his arms reached down and picked up more rocks, his short dark hair softly falling over his face a little. She was almost to him before he turned around, noticing her presence, and made her stop mid-tep.

She gasped as she realized who he was.

"J-Jacob?"

He stopped mid-step, too. His eyebrows frowned as he looked at her, shocked. He didn't say a word, just stared. Severeal expressions appeared on his face which made Bella even more confused than she already was.

She took a few steps until she was right in front him. Shaking her head, her eyes watering up as she covered her mouth in surprise. He was so... different. His eyes looked tired, his hair was a mess, his face was a little scruffed. Even his body looked... bigger. She had to look up to look at his face. He was huge.

Jacob descovered the very different woman in front of him. Bella's hair was down to her waist; she had gotten a lot curvier, wearing a long sleeved shirt and tight jeans that showed every curve on her body causing an ache and throb in his pants. She was so.. beautiful. He looked down at her hand and then back up to her face, his expression then became angry, hurt, before he grabbed her arm; pulling her into the biggest hug he had ever given.

"Bella." He choked, spinning her around. Bella had lost her breath in his embrace. He was so warm, she never wanted him to let her go. She wrapped her hands around his neck, burying her face in between it, letting her tears fall. He then stopped spinning and stood there, holding her.

"You're alive." He breathed. "You're alive."

"I'm here, Jake." She cried more into his neck. Jacob felt himself let go and he cried into her hair. He held her for what seemed like hours, rubbing her back from her occasional hiccups and sobs. She couldn't believe he was here; on the day she came back he was here. As if her prayers couldn't be answered enough. Finally, he let her go, taking a step back to look at her. She looked up at him as he wiped the tears from her face.

Suddenly, looking at her more, he became angry. Furious.

"What the fuck, Bella!" He roared, "What-I- _what the fuck_!"

She jumped from his sudden explosion, taking a step back from him. "Jake, please.."

"Please what? Calm down? The fuck I will!" He looked at her, peircing eyes and his brows furred, his lips formed a straight line. "You can't just show up four years later after leaving me heartbroken without a goodbye! For fuck sakes, Bella, I thought you were dead! For_ four_ fucking years!" Jacob's body started to shake, on the verge of phasing.

She walked up to him, placing her hands on his chest, which seemed to calm him down; but not much. "Jacob, I know I owe you an explination. And I'm going to tell you everything, but please, please just trust me? I need you to trust me." She said calmly.

He snorted. "How in the fuck am I supposed to trust someone who I trusted with my heart four years ago, huh? I was sixteen back then, Bella. Hell, I was naive but I was also broken; to the dust. How do I know you're not here to remind me you're with Edward, your precious fucking Edward!"

"Jake, I'm not with Edward anymore!" There, she said it. Not to Billy, not to the boys in the pack, not even to Charlie.

Jacob looked shocked. He blinked and shook his head stubbornly, "No, I was there. I was at the wedding, Bella."

"You don't know what all happened after it, Jake." She looked down, shaking her head before meeting his eyes again. Jacob stared into hers, not knowing what to say. She stared at his eyes, then his nose and down to his lips. Jacob on the other hand was figthing the strain against his pants. He was angry at Bella and wanted so badly to yell at her, but at the same time, he couldn't resist but wonder what it would be like to attack her, kissing her neck, her ear...

"Jake." Her soft voice called out making his eyes almost roll back. "I really want to explain everything to you, but it's cold and the sun is setting. And I need to go unpack."

"So you're staying. For good?" He asked, crossing his arms.

She nodded, "Yes, I really need to get some rest too. I'm exhausted." Truth is, she didn't want to leave him, she felt like if she did, she would never see him again. She didn't want to risk it.

He nodded.

"How did you get here?" She asked, almost tripping over a log, causing Jacob to chuckle to himself. "My car is the only one in the parking lot."

He snorted and laughed as they walked towards her black BMW. "I ran here, Bella." She didn't question him, afraid of what he would say. They reached the drivers side, before getting in she turned around to face him, she suddenly bumped into him, her body pressed up against his. He caught his breath, a soft tremble ran through her body. She looked up into his eyes, he stared down into hers. "Do you want me to drive you?"

He looked down at her lips, cursing himself for being too bold. He needed to control himself. Without saying a word, he shook his head.

"Jake, it'll be no problem.." She hesistated, biting her lip nervously.

Fuck, that soft voice, it made him want to push her against her car and attack her mouth. "I'll run, it's no big deal. I left my truck at my Dad's."

Bella shook her head. "I knew it. I knew that was your truck, something told me that was your truck!"

"Go home, Bella." Oh, stern Jacob was back. He looked around, biting his lip. He obviously had to patroll; or was patrolling and took a break. Bella felt him tense up. "I'll see you tomorrow." He backed away.

"Jake, wait." She grabbed his arm, her body shivering from the touch of his warmth. He stopped, his body trembeling from her soft hands, causing the ache in his pants to throb even more. "Please?"

He looked towards the forest, then back at her. "I have to go, Bella." Truth is, he needed to finish patrolling and take care of the attention seeker in his pants. Bella nodded, releasing his arms then turned around to open her car door.

"Jake-" She said, oh, she was too late. He had already left. She sighed before climbing into her car and driving away towards the highway of Port Angeles. She wondered why Jacob became so weird, so quickly, and she didn't ge to say goodbye. Well, she guessed she knew she had to be used to that already. For now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Thank you all for the reviews! Also I am looking for Beta readers, so message me if you're interested. I plan on making this story longer than I intended... and posting chapters more often.

**Reminder: **Rated M for future chapters. All characters belong to Stephanie Mayer, or Jacob would be mine, all mine.

* * *

**Morning Run**

Bella awoke from a bright light shinning against her apartment bedroom window. She rubbed her eyes from the sleepiness, stretched and climbed out of her queen-sized bed. She sat there and realized what happened last night. Jacob was home, and she was home. She smiled to herself knowing that she has another chance; to fix everything she left broken. Jumping up, she started to get ready for the day, not knowing what was in stock for her, but knowing she was going to see Jacob again today; and that was all that she really cared about.

After making herself a small breakfast, she threw on pair of dark skinny jeans, brown riding boots and a oversized-sweater. She decided to go simple with her makeup today, lining her eyes with black liner, some mascara and a hint of blush, lastly a pop of lip gloss on her lips. She left her hair as messy as it was before grabbing her bag and heading out of her apartment, for once, excited for the day.

Before heading to Charlie's, Bella decided to go to a diner nearby her hotel to get some coffee, she parked out front and headed in, swinging the door, padding towards the front desk. There wasn't many people there, each chatting or had their noses in lap tops, most likely on break or using the WiFi there. There was a tanned woman with her back turned, making coffee; she was the only one working today, Bella supposed.

The woman then turned around, ringing the front desk bell, waving the hot coffee in the air. "Vanilla Bean coffee for Anna!" Her voice was light as she wiped her hands on her apron, approaching the customer Anna who appeared at the counter. "Hi, how can I help you?" She hinted a smile at Bella.

"Yes, one decaf coffee and a blueberry muffin." Bella said, looking at the lady's nametag that read 'Rachel'. She then paused and realized who she was talking to. Rachel nodded and punched numbers into the cashier, her short black hair barely reaching her shoulders. She looked merely tired; as if she was always on the go. It took Bella a minute to redgonize her Jacob like features, she was shocked that Rachel didn't even redcognize her as well.

"Okie-dokie, and can I get your name, honey?" She smiled.

"Bella." She bit her lip, nervously.

Rachel stopped, her mouth dropped open. "I knew I redconized you somehow." She gasped, her hand flying to cover her chest. "Bella? Bella Swan?"

She nodded.

"My, God." Rachel shook her head. "Wow... You've changed a lot."

Bella laughed, "For the better I hope."

Rachel didn't respond, she looked at her for a minute, just staring. "So you're back. For good?" Bella had figured that question would come up, she nodded.

"Yeah. For good."

Rachel 'hmphed' and padded her way to the expresso machine, fumbling with it until she finished making the order, then grabbed a blue berry muffin out of the food display container, placing it in a small paper bag. She then turned back to the counter, placing Bella's order down and breathed, "That'll be $5.47."

Bella handed her a ten dollar bill and took her coffee and muffin. Rachel handed her change and crossed her arms, watching Bella place her money in her black Chanel bag. "I'm sorry what Paul did the other day." Rachel said.

Bella looked up, confused. "How do you-"

"Everyone knows everything after it happens, Bella. Just think about that. Just hope that Jacob doesn't find out."

She blanked for a second. "Why are you way out here in Port Angeles?"

"I live out here in an apartment, with Paul." She said.

"Paul?"

"We're together, Bella. Four years now." She smiled, leaning in and whispering so customers didn't hear. "He imprinted on me." She said, lightly giggling in rememberance.

Wow, everything really did change when she left.

"Just know that I'm punishing him for his actions. No sex for two weeks." She laughed.

Bella couldn't help but join her, giggles flowing through the air. She looked behind her, making sure no one was waiting in line.

"Why are you back, Bella?" Rachel started, crossing her arms. "I mean.. what made you come back?"

"To fix things." She said, taking a sip of her coffee. "I fucked up."

Rachel, understanding, nodded. "You're back for Jacob, aren't you? I can see it. Everyone will see it, honey."

Bella, embarrassed, nodded, "Yes. I want him in my life. I went four years regretting everything I did to him, and I still am. I was so scared that he wouldn't be here; since he comes and goes every chance he gets."

"Bella." Rachel sighed, placing her hand on top of hers. "Jacob has been through more than you can imagine. It's up to you to find that out, he doesn't and will not tell you. Why do you think he even came back? To see if you had returned. When he came up empty handed, he left."

A pain hit Bella's chest, as if she didn't feel bad enough. She had to leave soon before she started sobbing in the middle of the diner. Rachel sighed, "I'm probably the only one who isn't freaking out over your return, and that's because Jacob can stay home, he can stop leaving and never speaking to anyone, and can finally find himself again, through you."

Bella smiled, "Thank you, Rachel."

"No problem, honey." She winked and started to fumble with the expresso machine.

Bella then checked the clock that read 1:45pm. She jolted and grabbed her belongings, realizing she was behind schedule. Rachel looked at her, confused, "Leaving me already, Swan?'

"I have to be at Charlie's so I can start making dinner for him." She said, with an apolegetic look on her face.

Rachel laughed and waved at her with a silent 'I'll see you soon' as another customer attended the counter. Bella smiled, walking out of the bar and headed towards her car. She realized she just found her new 'morning-to-go spot'.

* * *

**Author's note: **Review if you like.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: **Thank you for the reviews. Still looking for Beta readers, let me know if you want a kick at it!

**Reminder: **Rated M, all characters belong to Stepanie Mayer, or none of this Edward mess would have happened.

**Know your boundaries **

Jacob ran on the hill on the beach of La Push, pacing on the cliff's edge and looked out into the ocean, he looked out into the horizon, plopping his wolf body down on the dirty ground as he thought about the past few days. Well, for him, the past few heart attacks.

Bella was alive, she was home; safe, breathing, _alive_, safe, here,_ alive_.

All of that seemed too much for him after four years of worrying himself to death over her disappearence. Well, it wasn't a 'dissapearence' technically, but to him it was. What angered him the most was that she had an apartment in Port Angeles for God knows how long without him or even Charlie knowing about it. How could she do such a thing to her own father? Oh, right, she needed some _time_. It was all quite bullshit in Jacob's perspective even though he had done the same thing to his own father, several times. But nothing could top what Bella had done, absolutely nothing.

His heart needed her, to tell her everything, to make things right. But part of him wanted her to suffer the same pain she had put through him. Love made him bitter, rude, careless. All in one, it made him stronger as a person.

His thoughts were interrupted by Embry who seemed to be concerened about his sudden break. Patrol was over for the day, he had no business being out where Jacob was, but Jacob didn't bug him about it. Everyone pretty much knew this is where he would go, considering his private place - to think and clear his mind, which wasn't really _private_ anymore.

_Jake, man, you alright? _Embry trotted next to him, looking out into the ocean as well. His wolf head looked at Jacob, raising an eyebrow.

Jacob didn't answer, continuing his thoughts as if he didn't hear Embry at all; something he became good at as an Alpha.

_Well, there's a bonfire tonight. Sam told me to run up here and find you and tell you. _Embry pointed out. Jacob merely looked Embry into the eyes for a second, and then ignored him.

Embry sighed and turned to walk away. _Bella and Charlie are at your dad's. Bella brought some peach pie. A bunch of it too. I'm sure as hell going to grab a slice before the rest of the pack gets to it. _And he was gone.

Jacob didn't move an inch, he continued to lay where he was, contemplating if he should even go get a slice of his favorite dessert, honestly, he wasn't even in the mood for it. He rested his head down and continued to search out to the ocean for an answer he couldn't even think of a question to give.

* * *

Several moans and 'Ohmygod's' echoed in the small red house of Billy Black's. Embry, Billy and Charlie all gulped down another slice of peach pie. A mischievous grin crept on Bella's face as she nibbled on a slice. She then grabbed a plastic plate and aluminum foil and cut the biggest peice for Jacob, even though he still has not showed up for his favorite dessert. _Embry sucks at persuading, _she thought. She wondered if he'd even visit his father today, or even cared that she made all of this food for him.

"I have to admit." Embry moaned. "This is the best damn thing I've ever tasted. Please don't ever leave again, Bella."

She laughed painfully. "You got it, Em."

"You have to make more of this," Charlie said taking another slice. "You owe me years worth of cooking anyway." He then patted Billy on the back and they headed into the living room to catch some ESPN football news.

"We'll see." She laughed then looked at Embry with a confused expression.

He walked towards her, "Sorry, Bella. He wouldn't bulge. I got nothing. So I left." She nodded, looking down. She had no reason to be upset with Jacob at the moment, she has done worse. Thank God Embry was already at Billy's helping out with painting the spare bedroom, she thought maybe he'd track Jacob down and get him to come over, that plan obviously failed dramatically. But Bella wanted to know more; about what happened while she was gone. She figured this was the right time to find out.

"Embry, what happened... when I was..?"

He bit into another slice of pie, crumbs lingering around his mouth as he swept them away with his tongue, "What do you mean- like with the pack?" He asked with a mouth full of food, leaning against a counter, inhaling another slice of pie.

"With Jacob." She bit her lip, nervously, toying with the buttons on her white sweater.

Embry's expression hardened. "Bella, I... I can't talk about that."

"Why not?"

He hesitated for a second, gulping down his fourth slice of pie. "It's complicated.."

She let out a huge beath, throwing her hands up. "I can't keep doing this. I'm tired of this."

"Tired of what?"

"Everything!" She cried. "I know I messed everything up, okay? I just want to know _what happened._. I don't want to live a life not knowing what damaged I caused." She looked down, shaking her head.

Embry walked to her and grabbed her, hugging her. "Shhh, Bella. It's going to be okay."

"No it's not, Embry. You know that."

"No, I don't. There are things you need to know, and there are things that shouldn't even be said outside of the pack. Just be patient. He'll let it all out eventually." Bella nested her head in the crook of Embry's neck and cried quietly as Embry awkwardly held her. As awkward as he felt, he'd always knew she would come back to Forks for Jacob. He just didn't know how everything would add up once it happened.

"Eh-em." That groan, that alerting cough, caused him to release her and step back. Jacob was standing in the door frame, his body shaking lightly as his hands were clenched. Bella met is dark eyes, he looked exhausted as if he hadn't slept since the last night. Embry backed away more. "What's going on?" Jacob growled.

"Jake, it's not like that man... I was just-"

"Leave, Embry." He then sighed and scrambled out of the back door that lead to the yard, leaving Bella there, confused and annoyed at the same time.

Jacob glared at Bella as she looked at him. "You didn't have to do that, Jacob. It was uncalled for." She wiped the water from her eyes and crossed her arms.

"_He_ wasn't supposed to be doing what he was doing." Jacob leaned against the door frame. He eyed Bella from her head to her toe, noticing how cute she looked, fighting his urge to push her against the kitchen counter.

"What? Being here for me? Something you failed to do at the moment?" She went there, all the way there. She almost slapped a hand over her mouth because she knew it was going to start an argument, but instead she stood her ground.

There was a moment of silence in the small, dated kitchen.

Then, Jacob laughed, _he laughed_, and walked closer to her before saying quietly, "You know, that almost hurt, Bella. Too bad it's the other way around right?" And then he was gone out of the back door, ignoring her tears, ignoring the delicious smelling peach pie. _He showed up just to leave, _Bella thought.

She whipped around and watched him walk away, phasing when he got to the treeline of the forest. Watching him walk away was something she was not used to doing. She noticed how quickly his attitude changed in just one day.

It was getting dark outside now and Bella wanted nothing more than to go back to her apartment and never leave. Sighing, she then leaned against a counter as Charlie, in perfect timing, walked into the kitchen.

"Welp." He groaned, "Looks like there's a bonfire at Sam Uley's tonight. A lot of people are showing up, so I've heard. It would be nice if you could come."

"I don't think I'm welcomed here anymore, Dad." She looked down at the floor. "Everyone hates me now."

"Bella, no one hates you." Charlie chuckled. "You just took us all by surprise."

"I don't know.."

"Bella." He grabbed her shoulders, "It's a Friday night. Go out, have fun, re-connect with some old friends. Embry seemed to enjoy your company. Chill with him if you have to."

_Aw, poor Embry. _But Charlie was right, she needed to talk to people she hadn't seen in a long time, and staying in her apartment was not going to allow her to accomplish anything. She nodded and finally agreed, hoping that everything will at least go as planned.

But Bella knew it wouldn't.

_Here goes nothing._

* * *

Bella followed Charlie to Sam Uley's house, nervously gripping her steering wheel as they both pulled into a gated community neighborhood. Bella's eyes lit up as the houses they passed became larger as they moved deeper into the neighborhood. The place was covered in tall trees and small ponds. Lights dangled over the trees and the houses had cute porches enclosed around them.

The area was breath-takingly beautiful.

But she began to feel nervous about attending this bonfire. She knew she would get stares, questions, assumptions and maybe get kicked out by the loving and understanding Sam Uley. Too bad she had already promised Charlie to go, otherwise she would have ordered take-out Chinese food for dinner, relaxed in her own bedroom and called it a night.

After driving for what seemed an hour, Charlie pulled up into the driveway of a huge white brick house which Bella knew had to be Sam's as she pulled in behind him. She sat in her car as she noticed how large the house was; three car carage, large windows and beautiful lights damped over the front porch. She then saw Embry swing open the side gate that lead to the backyard and meet Charlie as he got out of his cruiser; then helping Billy out of the passenger's side.

Her eyes met Embry's and he let out a huge grin before opening her door for her.

"Well look who decided to show up!" He gleamed as she climbed out of her car.

"I had to convince her." Charlie laughed as he rolled Billy to the backyard.

Bella sighed and glanced at Embry who had his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry about earlier." She said softly, "I don't understand why he reacted that way."

Embry nodded, "Come on, Bella, the party is out back." He said as he walked her to the backyard. Bella's hand twitched nervously as they reached the bonfire. There were about fifty people surrounding the fire and some were out by the lake which had met the backyard. She spotted Charlie chatting with Sam who looked almost completely different, then she noticed some eyes were landing on her.

Then it began.

It was if everyone got quiet.

_They were all staring. _

Bella's breathing hitched.

She looked around, meeting all of the eyes that were on her, and walked towards Rachel who was laughing with another woman who she could not see the face of.

"Bella!" Rachel waved, her eyes gleamed as Bella approached her.

"Hey Rachel." Bella smiled, looking at the woman she was talking to, she looked so familiar...

"I'm glad you're here, Bella," Rachel hugged her. Bella gave her a grin and told her she was glad to be there as well. She then looked at the "unfamiliar" woman and met the dark, tired eyes of Emily Young.

"Hi, Bella." Emily stood up. She looked different; her hair was down her back, she had on a tint of makeup; she was bigger, as if she was...Bella gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth in surprise.

_Emily was pregnant._

"Emily?" Bella said. Emily gave her a smile, pulling her into a heart-warming hug. Bella hugged tighter, she was almost in tears; she was happy for her.

"You're..."

"Pregnant?" Emily giggled, "Yeah I've noticed."

"I'm just... I'm _so_ happy for you. I remember you telling me how much you wanted to have a child."

"Yeah, well I'm finally having a baby girl. Seven months along." She rubbed her stomach, looking over at Sam who was eyeing her as he sat around the fire.

Bella smiled, waving her arms towards the house, "This place is beautiful, Emily."

"Thank you, Bella." Emily gleamed. She looked at her house, "Took us two years but it's worth it."

Bella couldn't help but smile, she looked over by the fire as well and then spotted the black eyes of her very own Jacob. He was staring at her, a blank expression on his face. His tongue ran over his bottom lip, then he bit down on it, his nostrils flaring. She didn't look away, she continued to look until he dropped his eyes back to the fire, laughing at a joke that Paul had said.

_He still doesn't know._

She hated this. She hated how he was acting, how she couldn't get him to talk to her anymore. Instead she was hit with the silent treatment which hurt more than ever. She began to feel her eyes whelled up with tears, her lip quivered. Was he never going to speak to her the same way again? The thought of it made her sick to her stomach.

"Bella?"

Her attention snapped back to Rachel, who was giving her a confused look. "Yeah, sorry."

"Are you okay? You look like you're going to vomit or something." She crossed her arms, concerned.

Bella wasn't okay. Matter of fact, she was far from being okay - more like she was about to collapse onto the ground and scream from the pain she had just felt.

"I'm fine," she lied. She glanced around, her eyes landing on the lake that the backyard eventually ended to. "I'm just going to go over by the lake for a few."

She didn't give Rachel time to respond, she quickly walked down to the lake, her eyes glancing out to the moonlight that shined over it. She crossed her arms, feeling the cold wind that washed over the night air. She walked along the shoreline, picking up a few pebbles on the ground and tossed them into the black water below her.

W_hat am I doing, _she thought. _I don't belong here. I never will. _This was indeed the wrong place to be, she shouldn't have came back, _this is all a mistake._

Truth is, she wanted Jacob back.

She wanted him_ so bad_.

_Her _Jacob.

Not the new Jacob.

"Bella Swan."

She whipped around to find Leah Clearwater mauling her down with an evil grin. Her hands were crossed as she approached her.

Leah looked like a different person, almost un-recognizable.

Her hair had grown out, almost to her waist. She was wearing a tint of makeup; Bella had never saw her in it, wearing a loose tshirt and fitted jeans. Her hair was to the side in one long braid.

Bella sighed, "Hi, Leah."

_Bad timing._

"I always knew you'd come running back." She grinned. "What a marriage with Eddie didn't work out to well?"

"That's none of your business." Bella charged, annoyed. She looked at Leah who began to laugh; amusingly.

"It is my business, honey. Because with you, vampires pop up left and right. We haven't dealt with one in two whole years." She looked at her, eyeing her down. Rolling her eyes, Leah walked over to the shore, picking up a rock and tossed it into the lake.

Bella on the other hand watched her and began to laugh to herself. "Do you always come off as a bitch to everyone you meet?"

"Not everyone, just you." Leah smiled, "You're the only one who needs to be bitched at."

"And... why is that?"  
"Because you're the only thing who kept everyone in the pack from living a normal life, Swan. You ruined all of our lives."

Bella twitched, she fell silent.

"Exactly." Leah said. "So do us all a favor and leave, go back to... wherever you came from. Because everything was peaceful when you were gone. No vampires, no worries, less stress... Jacob seemed to move on, so should you."

Her eyes rolled, her hands shook; Bella was not having it. "Did you come walk out here to try to convince me to leave?" She walked closer to Leah, "Let me get something straight here, Leah, I didn't come back to do the same thing I did four years ago, I came back to make shit right. I don't need your comments on telling me how _I _should live my life. Now do _me _a favor and go back to being Sam's dumped choice and fuck off."

Leah, shocked, sniffed and walked off, storming back into the small crowd of people around the campfire.

Bella then marched off towards the other side of the shoreline, kicking a few pebbles on the ground out of frustration. She turned around to see that the crowd of people were now just little dots in a distance. She needed to get some air before heading back to reality.

Before she knew it, her eyes let go of the tears and she came apart, in public. She didn't realize she was crying before she heard her name being called behind her.

_That voice._

Oh yes, this was definitely bad timing.

She turned around, knowing what she was about to face, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Bella." Jacob said, walking closer to her. She didn't say a word, instead she kept wiping away her tears, as if he didn't notice them.

He did.

And it pained him to see her this way. He sighed, feeling his heart clench and bit his lip.

He needed to her hear voice.

Bella's hoarse voice made him cringe. "H-h-hey Jake."

He was only inches from her. The warmth of his body reached her cold shivering skin, she wanted nothing more but to wrap herself around him.

"What're you doing out here by yourself?" He asked, placing his hands in his pocket.

She laughed, painfully. "I needed to get away for a few minutes.. to think."

"About?" He pushed on.

"Jake, please.."

"What are you thinking about, Bella?" He commanded. "There's people who would like to talk to you back there, and you're out here alone. Not very smart." He eyed her.

"I shouldn't be here..." she sighed, looking down at the ground. "I made a mistake.."

"What? Coming back? That's a mistake to you?"

"Everything I ever do is a mistake, Jacob!" She yelled, tears beginning to pour again. "I just want to start over."

He stayed quiet, looking out into the lake.

Minutes passed, silence went on. Funny how the one person he had loved more than anything; fought for, risked his life for, hurt him the most - yet he wanted nothing more than her. He was bitter, angry, fustrated, hurt but he knew it wouldn't change anything.

Bella said quietly, "I'm sorry about Rebecca, Jacob."

His eyes closed, a huge breath left his body; he didn't say anything, even though the sound of his sisters name hurt to hear more than any battle with a vampire, any scar, _anything_.

"You don't deserve this." Bella went on.

He nodded, that, he had to agree with that.

"I don't deserve you." Her tears started to fall again. She walked closer to Jacob, looking into his dark eyes. "I'm so sorry Jacob. I shouldn't have left... Please just... you don't have to forgive me. Or speak to me ever again. I just..." she breathed, "I love you. I love you s_o much_ and I can't keep hurting you anymore."

_She said it._

That word.

The same word she could not bring herself to say four years ago, that word he knew she had felt all along.

_Love._

Jacob looked at the woman in front of him; shocked, overwhelmed and overall in an _Itoldyouso _attitude. He winced when he saw her wipe the tears from her eyes, almost spilling a few himself. He hated seeing her hurt, but was overall glad she knew what he had felt - well, no where near but it's a start. His heart ached for her, to touch her, kiss her, hold her. But he knew he needed to control himself before letting it all go. There were still things needed to be said and done; he wasn't going to just let her in that easy. Not again he wasn't.

He didn't want her to leave again. He didn't want to keep himself from speaking to her; matter of fact those were the last things he ever wanted to do.

He grabbed her, _grabbed her firmly_, and crushed her into a hug that he had been wanting for the longest time.

Bella nested her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck and breathed in. He smelled the same as always, musky and fresh; she had missed his scent, the feel of his arms around her. How could she ever let that go?

"I don't want you to go anywhere, Bella." She heard him whisper in her ear. Smiling, she hugged him tighter. She knew their friendship was going to require a lot of fixing, she knew the consequences she was going face; she did not care. Neither did he, it was nearly impossible for him to not forgive her. Jacob knew he could not break what they had no matter what had happened in the past. Still, Bella knew Jacob would not let go easily.

"Now please, come back to the party." He said softly as he released her and gestured for her to get walking.

She complied and they walked back to the bonfire in silence.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Drop off a review if you like.


End file.
